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The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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All Ecards | PAGE 1

Ecards that are Wrong. If you think ecards and greeting cards are - at best - insipid, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then I like you. And also, welcome to Wrongcards.

If you feel that most of the freaking greeting cards in the world are nothing more than crass, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then you would be right, and so: welcome to Wrongcards. If you don’t think Hallmark cards are kind of creepy - you are probably in the wrong place and should probably leave this place and never come back. Now.

Our ecards are free to send, and they will always be free to send. Wrongcards is not intended for mass-appeal, nor is it intended for the mainstream. If you are still reading this, if you have gotten this far, you are probably not a mainstream person yourself, which is good because Wrongcards will probably work for you.

No one will be able to buy t-shirts here with clever phrases on them. No one will be able to attempt to fill up that inner emptiness by buying a hat with a Wrongcards logo. We run ads to pay for our hosting but if we wanted riches, we’d have ecards here with pictures of dogs playing poker, or kittens covered in spaghetti. But then we’d be crying ourselves to sleep each night.

So welcome to the sprawling glory that is Wrongcards; ecards that are wrong for every occasion.

Political Satire Ecard with text: Maybe I wouldn't have been infected with a woke mind virus if more people had worn masks.
Political Satire Ecards view send
about this card: woke mind virus | My recent diagnosis (turns out I have a mind virus) was a bit of a surprise. I'd just been saying something like, 'wouldn't it be nice if everybody felt equal', and wham! Apparently mind viruses are everwhere now. Good news is Elon is working on a brain implant, so I'm not too worried.
Birthday Ecard with text: I'm sorry I cannot celebrate your specific birthday this year because it turns out that All Birthdays Matter.
Birthday Ecards view send
about this card: all birthdays | Life's been boring lately apart from a global pandemic, murder hornets, millions saying the virus is a hoax, plus riots, nitwits who think masks don't need to cover their noses, people posting on social media about Bill Gates using 5G for mind-control, and billionaires using social media for, um, actual mind-control, plus Nazis and possibly another plague but everything's fine I guess how are you.
Valentines Ecard with text: I know you wanted me to give you my heart but can I give you someone elses instead? It's just that I'm using mine at the moment. Happy Valentines Day Either Way
Valentines Ecards view send
about this card: hearts interchangeable | People often say to me, 'Kris, you're too romantic'. Not in real life, of course, but inside my mind. I'm pleased to say that much of what is said inside my mind is complimentary. I do feel some antipathy towards geese, however, but otherwise I feel I am on good-terms with the world; I both like and understand the world. But I will never understand why you people keep celebrating Valentines Day.
Valentines Ecard with text: I don't understand the basic point of Valentines Day so let's instead admire this picture of a penguin holding an ice cream.
Valentines Ecards view send
about this card: penguin with ice cream | Ever since 2003 ice cream has been a sad topic for me. You see, that year a girl asked to share my ice cream and unwittingly, I consented. I lost 46% of my bowl of ice cream that day. Tragedy - always lurking in the wings...
Valentines Ecard with text: If you think about it, there's nothing sexier than an octopus.
Valentines Ecards view send
about this card: sexy octopus | Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY'RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It's all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I'm a marketing god.
Christmas Ecard with text: My theory of how the presents get under the Christmas tree is no less plausible then yours.
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about this card: christmas mantis | Have you talked to your children about the Christmas Mantis yet? I have. There's a note here from the school, they want me to come in and talk about it. What's so strange about an eight-foot-long Praying Mantis, climbing through windows, distributing consumer goods? Because an 'overweight Norwegian with a flying sled' is more logical? I don't know. It's better than my Christmas Leopard theory.
Christmas Ecard with text: One of the most offensive and morally objectionable things about Christmas is the obligation to buy gifts for your in-laws.
Christmas Ecards view send
about this card: gifts for in-laws | I don't even know what this card means. I just like writing random words sometimes. Doesn't mean anything. I am figuratively seeing nothing here. Let's not ... no, don't make this about your parents. Nobody even mentioned your parents. Why do you have to bring them into this? I am just making an innocent wrongcard, and - what? Oh. My. God. You are being SO much like your mother right now!
Workplace Ecard with text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.
Workplace Ecards view send
about this card: thinking outside the box | One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES, I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I just said, "Have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot?" Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm NOT confused doesn't make it any easier.
CheerUp Ecard with text: Sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed. My advice is to be happy. Like me.
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about this card: happy like me | I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.
Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.
Thinking of You Ecards view send
about this card: we agree | When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
Dark Humor Ecard with text: nobody likes the political well informed. try and fit in by talking about paris hilton and nicole richie. you are not allowed to be remarkable.
Dark Humor Ecards view send
about this card: arm the teachers | People are always talking about their right to own a gun; they never talk about MY right to own a gun. If I owned a gun I'd be shooting it all the time. Double-parked cars. The occasional jet ski. This bus driver who closed the door as I was about to get on, who I chased for two miles on foot. The real reason I shouldn't have a gun is how much I want one. And also how much I want a bazooka.
Valentines Ecard with text: 'Historians dont actually know who Saint Valentine was or how he became martyred. Geoffrey Chaucer and his mates in the 14th Century began to associate the day with romantic love about a thousand years after he died. And I'm not celebrating it because it's ridiculous'
Valentines Ecards view send
about this card: ridiculousness | Obviously I'm trying to raise some awareness here. Maybe launch a movement. Perhaps Valentines Day can topple over one day, like the statue of a dictator. The only thing stopping me from pointing out that this is a completely made-up holiday is the fact that they're ALL completely made up holidays! Also, nobody has ever sent me a Valentines Day thing. But whatevs. Not bitter; it's the institution.