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Regretably, none of our cards are appropriate to send to anyone.*

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* Well, at least they're free!

Flirting Ecard with text: mayonnaise makes the night more memorable
Halloween Ecard with text: Let's get dressed up as suburban parents, knock on doors and ask if the candy is gluten-free.

Wait, ecards that are wrong for every occasion?

I'm actually not good at business ideas.

Fortunately, my newsletter is a slice of fried gold.

It was an unfortunate situation and I should tread carefully here, with all due tact and sensitivity, because I believe this gentleman’s issues relate to mental health. In fact, it is my impression that mental health experts would describe his condition as that of a Stark Raving Lunatic.

— Wrongcards Works a Bit Better Now, Which is Nice

They’re experts, you see, and they can prove it by speaking in a litany of cliches, and you’re supposed to listen and marvel in awed silence. Sometimes, when people talk about coffee, you can almost hear the agitated hooting of primates squabbling in a tree.

— Coffee and Whiskey, Please

I would rather stand in the rain than listen to somebody talking about raising the rent on their tenants. These people make me wonder if it’s all that difficult to build a guillotine in one’s backyard.

— Greetings Fellow Adults

I occasionally think about studying marine biology. I think I’d enjoy it on some level, though I doubt I'd ever be good at it. I’d probably achieve nothing as a marine biologist, other than thoroughly alienating a bunch of dolphins, I suppose.

— Misbehaving At Parties

What sort of nonsense is this?

Well, here's two random cards I made. Yes. I know.

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry you got angry at me when I contradicted your hallucinated version of reality.

hallucinated

Whenever I apologize to someone I always try to make it sound heartfelt and sincere. I believe the best way of sounding heartfelt and sincere is the employment of a giraffe sock puppet. If you don't own one, ask the person to whom you are apologizing to simply imagine you have one on your hand. You should also warn them that the giraffe is a bit 'bitey'. Just in case your apology isn't good enough for them.

Apology

Halloween Ecard with text: The best way to terrify children on Halloween is to take them along on your morning commute and explain to them that theis will be part of their daily routine for about forty years.

Terrifying Commute

Once there were people who knew all sorts of surprising facts. We respected them. Now, when people know surprising facts, we just figure they spent their lunch-hour at wikipedia. There's no thrill to being informed anymore. That's why I became a wikipedia editor. BTW if anyone tells you Halloween is about 'giant duck aliens', you're welcome.

Halloween

These great people bought me coffee

"Unbelievably weird humor. Love it!"

Ruth A.

buymeacoffee.com/stgabriel

"Wonderful, on the spot, sense of humor. Perfect for my dark humored family. Thank you for sharing!"

April D.

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"Love the cards"

Chris

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"You're amazing! I love your writing -- it's funny, and cynical, in an amusing way. Just my cup of tea."

Slick

buymeacoffee.com/stgabriel

"Thanks for the wacky anniversary card. It's perfect for my sweetheart's sense of humor. I'll be back to your website."

Ben C.

buymeacoffee.com/stgabriel

"I love wrongcards. You are sick and twisted in the most creative way. It is extremely life-affirming."

Carolyn Z.

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