Ecard text: Congratulations on the birth of your baby, if indeed it IS your baby and not the baby I read about on the back of my milk carton.
about this card
You can send today's card to new parents. Or rather - you shouldn't. New parents can be awfully prickly and humorless - after all, they've just crushed their dreams. But then again, maybe you should. I think the decision really boils down to whether or not you like their cooking. Once again, I'm here to help.
prev send card next
ABOUT THIS CARD
You can send today's card to new parents. Or rather - you shouldn't. New parents can be awfully prickly and humorless - after all, they've just crushed their dreams. But then again, maybe you should. I think the decision really boils down to whether or not you like their cooking. Once again, I'm here to help.

subscribe to my newsletter

Sign up here to get the latest updates and
receive one of my novels for free.

Random Cards
Ecard text: I like that you have a personality, but feel it might be more convenient if you disassembled it into three boxes labeled anger, repression and resentment, and then spent the rest of your life uncontentiously affirming my world view.
Ecard text: I am sorry I cannot accompany you to church. Because sometimes God talks to me and when He does I have to cover my ears because all He wants to do is talk smut.
Ecard text: Librarians pretend to freak out when you cut interesting pages out of their books but secretly they are happy that you love books.
Ecard text: Never forget the real unsung heroes of the Olympic Games ... the scientists working tirelessly behind the scenes to create completely undetectable steroids.
BOOKS BY ME

"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

Subscribe, and receive for free!

"One of the funniest books that I've read."
—Joe Z.

"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.