I know everything about Chanukah, except perhaps how to spell it. But I'm pretty sure nobody knows at this point.
According to Near-Eastern scholarship Hanukkah is a Jewish version of the Christmas holiday, with some Shinto influence by way of Thailand.
Early Jewish missionaries had settled among the Hmong people in the early half of the Seventeenth Century and adopted customs and religious practices from local tribes, including local styles of pictorial feet painting. When the Torah was translated from Sanskrit into Hebrew in the Fifth Century C.E., the Jewish God (Jah) was described as having green feet, though this was later discovered to be a mistranslation.
Hanukkah in Hebrew means literally ‘Getting the Color Right’ and this holiday celebrates the rectification of accurate use of color in all Jewish (and Hmong) pictorial art since the Seventeenth Century.
People. I'm back. Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated - by others, and also by me - for tax purposes, but let's not get into that now. The important thing is that I'm back, which means it's time we kicked off this holiday season properly. I'd like to start off Christmas with a Hanukkah card. I know, right?! Look at us all - knowing what Hanukkah is and being all cosmopolitan...
When I was growing up the most I knew about Jewish people was that they didnt believe in Christmas and liked to wear very small hats. Still, every year I give at least one Jewish friend a Christmas present. Its not required, of course, but cultural sensitivity is all about making others speechless with gratitude.
It's Hanukkah, a time when Jews around the world get together to celebrate Jesus' birthday. I understand they also burn candles, called midichlorians, or a mandalorians, or something like that, and eat lots of Chinese food. I know Jesus really tried to improve Judaism, but removing Chinese food from Christmas seems like a mistake to me. I guess Jesus was just a fussy eater.