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Ecard text: There is no point in watching Olympic-level shot put events because nothing interesting ever happens.
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I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.



The Story So Far, Part I

I just disappeared for four years. It's time to come out from the woodwork, but where do I start? How about I go back to the middle?

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Olympics cards

Ecard text: Synchronized Swimmers never drown during Olympic Events. And this means that God cannot possibly exist.
There was a time when our troubled relationship with the International Olympic Committee still had a chance. In retrospect I think the turning point came when we showed them this card. 'Cause about ten seconds later one them threw a mango at me. Seriously, who does that? Some of those IOC guys can be really immature when confronted with Art.
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Olympics cards

Ecard text: Never forget the real unsung heroes of the Olympic Games ... the scientists working tirelessly behind the scenes to create completely undetectable steroids.
So here's a tip: if you should ever find yourself at a dinner table with some senior IOC officials, don't mention the sentiments of today's wrongcard. They'll blither at you in fluent Belgian or Swiss (or whatever that jibber-jabber was), storm out and leave you with the check. Trust me: it's a good thing I can climb through bathroom windows.
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Olympics cards

Ecard text: Finally, people who can only lift heavy objects get to have their day.
Before the complete breakdown in communication between Wrongcards and the International Olympic Committee (around the time our cards went from being the 'official' to 'unofficial' cards of the Games) we had the idea to make cards explaining each Event. The IOC didn't like it, of course, partisan and revisionist organization that they are...
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Olympics cards

Ecard text: The sport we know as Greco-Roman Wrestling actually originated in certain notorious men's restrooms where one party simply wanted to use the bathroom.
You probably haven't heard but the Olympic Games start tomorrow. The Games can be a bewildering time for all of us; people you thought you knew well suddenly reveal they are experts on the topic of discus throwing, though you've never heard them mention discus before in their lives. And, all at once, water polo matters to people. Weird, right? Don't worry. I'll explain everything...
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