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Ecard text: It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's that the things that are happening inside my head are usually just more interesting than the things that are happening around me.
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I've been thinking. Brevity really is the soul of [word count exceeded]



The Harvard Skull Fiasco is Now Available

There's a new book out in the world, and I wrote it.

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Olympics cards

Ecard text: There is no point in watching Olympic-level shot put events because nothing interesting ever happens.
I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.
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Thanksgiving cards

Ecard text: I am willing to praise the teachings of Chairman Mao if it will kept keep Thanksgiving interesting.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day not setting fire to things. Honestly I can't even remember the last time I even TRIED to summon a glorious, whirling chaos demon via the profane rites of fire worship. I promise you: my stamp collection is becoming pretty rad.
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Apology cards

Ecard text: I am sorry I have not been more supportive of you lately. I have just been very busy being interesting.
You know when a villain ties a person to the railway tracks and sends a letter to the hero saying 'you better get down here or your friend is going to get run over ha ha etcetera?' I don't know if this has happened to me because I tend not to open correspondence. I just forget. Missing the requisite gene I suppose. Here's an ecard for people like me.
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Get Well cards

Ecard text: There are many more interesting ways of getting attention besides pretending to be sick
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