It's about time someone made some sports jokes.
They were exciting times. The International Olympics Committee were excited about Wrongcards agreeing to create the official ecards for the games. We were flown first-class to Geneva and taken on tours of the IOC headquarters by beautiful polyglots dressed in the latest Milan fashions. Cigars were lit, bottles of ouzo were poured into chilled decanters by prim, soundless waiters.
And the olives! The olives, I don’t need to say, were perfection itself. Our hosts in Lausanne were happy. We were happy. There was talk of us taking a jet to someone’s private resort in Northern Italy later in the afternoon for a little light skiing. Then someone asked if we’d like to show them our drafts for the Olympic cards.
Innocently, I pulled my Macbook Air from its case… Only later, amid the confusion and tension, I realized my mistake. The very air seemed to change. Someone knocked over a wine glass. Dignitaries were escorted from the room by panicked security guards and a booming baritone declaimed indignantly to me in French. God knows what THAT was about, nor how we got to the airport. If it wasn’t for our lawyers I have no idea where it all would have ended.
Within hours all communications with the IOC had ceased. We arrived back in Boston dazed and hung-over (but with some delicious contraband ouzo hidden amid our luggage). We learned that the International Olympics Committee had decided not to sue, but I think the restraining order they issued against us was, frankly, a ridiculous piece of over-reaction. And that’s where matters stand to this day, and this is how our Olympics Wrongcards came to be, somewhat sadly, the un-official ecards of the games."
I would just like to congratulate Wrongcards for becoming the unofficial official (or official unofficial) ecard creators for this year's Olympics. Winning the contract was tricky - I had to drink half a gallon of green water that they shipped to me - but it wasn't so bad. Who needs to be able to see the color yellow, anyway? Have guys ever seen that awesome Vin Diesel movie where he used street racing knowledge to steal a bank safe? That movie was set in Brazil. If I watch it again, would that make me over-prepared to make these cards? I mean, by American NBC commentator standards?
I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.
There was a time when our troubled relationship with the International Olympic Committee still had a chance. In retrospect I think the turning point came when we showed them this card. 'Cause about ten seconds later one them threw a mango at me. Seriously, who does that? Some of those IOC guys can be really immature when confronted with Art.
So here's a tip: if you should ever find yourself at a dinner table with some senior IOC officials, don't mention the sentiments of today's wrongcard. They'll blither at you in fluent Belgian or Swiss (or whatever that jibber-jabber was), storm out and leave you with the check. Trust me: it's a good thing I can climb through bathroom windows.
Before the complete breakdown in communication between Wrongcards and the International Olympic Committee (around the time our cards went from being the 'official' to 'unofficial' cards of the Games) we had the idea to make cards explaining each Event. The IOC didn't like it, of course, partisan and revisionist organization that they are...
You probably haven't heard but the Olympic Games start tomorrow. The Games can be a bewildering time for all of us; people you thought you knew well suddenly reveal they are experts on the topic of discus throwing, though you've never heard them mention discus before in their lives. And, all at once, water polo matters to people. Weird, right? Don't worry. I'll explain everything...