About This Card

I like to consider myself a spokesperson for Christianity. I may not have finished the Bible - I'm up to the section where Sheila begats Shelob, and Shelob begats Shamwow, etcetera - but I believe that a shortage of knowledge should never disqualify a man from writing about things on the internet. As a greeting card company owner, I also make a hell of a lot of money out of religious holidays - which technically makes me a religious leader of the old-school sort. So as your local religious leader I'm giving you all a Christmas card that you can send to your heathen friends, as a way of guilt-tripping them for being wrong about religion. Don't say I never gave you anything. Merry Holidays!

How I Cheer Myself Up During the Holidays

I like living here in Cambridge, Massachusetts, for at least six months out of every year. Then it gets cold and dark and dismal, and you have to be very deliberate about cheering yourself up. Here's an example of how I do that. read more

Shea is beginning to think that stealing the world's most famous skull wasn't the best way to launch his career in cat burglary...

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"One of the funniest books that I've read."
—Joe Z.

"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

"Wickedly funny." — R. Massey

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Ecard text: I am deeply sorry that we argued and feel that the whole misunderstanding could have been avoided if you had more immediately accepted the rightness of my views.

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Ecard text: Thanks for being cool, as in Burt Reynolds cool.

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Ecard text: I will overlook your various character flaws if you overlook my various improprieties with ducks.

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Ecard text: I will overlook your various character flaws if you overlook my various improprieties with ducks.

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