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Ecard text: Black Mold. It often lives undetected in houses. According to a 1999 study at the Mayo Clinc, Black MOld is the cause of nearly all chronic sinus infection. It can cause headaches, depression, hair loss, nosebleeds, and death. So faor the love of God, clean the damned house before you kill us all!
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I'm not the tidiest person but that doesn't mean my friends shouldn't be. Sometimes I'll go over to a mate's place and think: how nice that you feel comfortable enough not to clean up before I arrive. So I tell them what Black Mold is. Ten minutes later they'll be disinfecting the linoleum under the fridge while I watch on, eating all the biscuits. You see, I have always liked biscuits.



The Perfect Query Letter for Literary Agents

My quest to find a literary agent, its reasons, and some very excellent advice on how you too can query a literary agent.

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Family cards

Ecard text: How about you do all the housework and i'll focus on being awesome, and one day i'll thank you briefly in an appendix of my memoirs.
Chores. Some want to do them, some don't. The problem is that the people who WANT to do chores always insist that the people who DON'T want to do them should also want to do them. I'd rather lay on a beach than do chores myself, but I've always been an individualist. Here's today's card.
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Inspirational cards

Ecard text: To be successful, one should always adopt the habits of highly successful people. And I don't think there is a single successful person alive who does chores.
Let's start off the week with an inspirational card. Of course, one might disagree with this card but that would require a perverse and contrary psychology. The thought of people disagreeing with me always makes me feel wistful and sad. What a troubled world. Anyway, here is today's card to make it all better.
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Anniversary cards

Ecard text: I remembered it is our anniversary. I also did my chores so technically I deserve for you to unlock the plastic animals cabinet.
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OCD cards

Ecard text: No text, just a field of black boxes and one that is irritatingly tilted.
Obsessive compulsive disorder is a silent killer - mostly of bacteria and household germs. Not that I would make light of a disorder that my ideal house-cleaner would have, but it is OCD Awareness Week, you know. I think. Maybe it's in January. Look, they won't mind. I created a new category of cards for OCD week anyway. Just in case it's, like, now.
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