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Ecard text: Happy valentines day. This is a picture of an earwig. I am the best.
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On Wednesdays I post an older card then I change the world. I believe we can all change the world, we just need love in our hearts. And seven billion dollars for research and development, and a basement full of kidnapped MIT kids to assemble the first batch of self-replicating robot slave spiders. Changing the world also requires pragmatism.



The Story So Far, Part I

I just disappeared for four years. It's time to come out from the woodwork, but where do I start? How about I go back to the middle?

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Ecard text: Love is like a rhinoceros with a saddle in the sense that if a pithy ecard with an obscure simile is somehow applicable to your relationship then you should both sit down and, over a nice cup of tea, work out what it is you are both doing wrong.
"Love is like a rhinoceros wearing a saddle..." Sometimes I'm on fire, and I don't mean when I'm playing with kerosene and a lighter. My doctor says it's because I have a better grasp of reality than most. He stops by occasionally and counsels me and I'm helping him work through some issues with being dead and invisible to his loved ones. Share this card, it has good advice.
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Valentines Day cards

Ecard text: Here is your Valentines Day card. NOW can you make me a sandwich?
'Gentlemen, bad news: Valentines Day is gonna happen any second now. Ladies, yay, you're about to receive a lot of Hallmark nonsense and a bunch of chocolate that you know in your heart is going to go straight to your hips. Puppies? For you, nothing changes, you're still the best things on the planet and I wish there were more of you.'
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Romance cards

Ecard text: I can tell that I love you by the way I like to make you feel guilty about bullshit.
'Love makes us great! Example: if Lance Armstrong hadn't been so in love with fame and money he wouldn't have frauded his way to a 100+ million dollar fortune. See? That's not logic, that's romance! Like Lance I'm a wildly romantic person too, though it's tempered with a sensible streak of feminism so when on a date I let the chick buy my meal. I also haven't cried on Oprah yet but I'll get to that.'
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Romance cards

Ecard text: I promise to do the right thing by you, except when it becomes inconvenient. Look, every relationship has its little quirks.
I'm a thoughtful person and also very fair and I'm always thinking about people and I'm especially focused on 'how people think'. There is no way to get other people to buy you socks for instance if you don't think about how they think. It's like fixing clocks really. Uh. The burring in my head is making it hard to explain anything today. Also the new medication makes everything yellow.
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