Inappopriate New Years Ecards

New Year’s is an excuse to go drinking. We count down to some moment on an abstract, imaginary calendar and then we go and drink and run around the streets yelling happy new year! at equally drunk strangers. This is perfectly normal behavior and makes a lot of sense provided you don’t think about it. But you should send new years cards to people now and get them feeling positive towards you before they find themselves waking up on January 1st in a pool of soup that is two-parts vodka, one part your vomit.