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I like to think of myself as someone who can get along with anybody except for clowns, bureaucrats and werewolves. But filling out forms with a pen is, uh, mental torture. Forms make me agitated. I scribble, panic, weep. I yell lots about 'not wanting to live in this plane of reality'. Anyway. I had to fill out a form today. You can kinda tell, can't you?



The Perfect Query Letter for Literary Agents

My quest to find a literary agent, its reasons, and some very excellent advice on how you too can query a literary agent.

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Ecard text: I have no particular opinion about the overall worth of middle-management. And a picture of a hanging man in silhouette.
You know what bugs me? Being told I have pathological problems with authority. I just don't see it, man. And besides, why I should be subjected to psycho-babble just because I rightly understand that if I don't terrorize a middle-manager every day the entire world will fall into a thousand years of darkness, with pestilence and giant clowns? I'm a bit disappointed in psychiatry, too, obviously.
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TGIF cards

Ecard text: Thank God it's Friday and my rich inner life has not yet come to the attention of upper management.
'People say to me: Che - how do you do it? I say 'hard work and nothing more'. But the truth is that everything pretty much depends on Human Resources not paying too much attention to me. Happy Friday you lot.'
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Workplace cards

Ecard text: Everybody works for the man. But nobody knows who the man is. But one day I will find out who he is and strangle him. And then I will be the man. Until then, your job is to buy me lunch and appreciate me. Later I will probably reward you.
Everyone should have a mission statement. If you don't have one yet my advice is to write one that would make your Human Resources department panic. You should listen to me because the laws that govern probability suggest that I'll be right about everything at least part of the time. And today I'm feeling lucky.
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Workplace cards

Ecard text: 'i will be busy all day concealing a violent attitude towards authority and I do not wish to be disturbed'
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card like this and then spend the rest of the day writing letters to various newspaper editors requesting more coverage of the small African nation of Bunwabe. I sign the letters 'concerned'. Bunwabe is a country I completely made up. I believe that one day I'll know why I do this.
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