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Just Because | PAGE 1

Just Because. Ecards for no other reason than 'Just Because'. Like, zombie apocalypses, workplace shenanigans, and strange goat sightings.

Just Because Cards are simply an assortment of ecards that don’t fit within the traditional bounds of The Greeting Card, which is generally considered a useful social gesture to express polite regard. The problem with Just Because Cards is that you will rarely have incentive to send them to anyone and, upon receipt, the recipient is likely to assume you are merely bored at work or otherwise have too much time on your hands.

Further, and perhaps most distressingly, our ‘Just Because’ Cards are a container category for several species of completely cool but impractical ecards.

Workplace Ecard with text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.
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about this card: thinking outside the box | One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES, I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I just said, "Have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot?" Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm NOT confused doesn't make it any easier.
WTF Ecard with text: Never annoy a dozen 4-year-olds who are armed with hatchets. Because they could probably take you down.
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about this card: hatchets | I know that Christmas has traditionally been about department stores making money but I've always hoped it might one day become a holiday for children. For some reason people assume I'm cynical but I've always liked children: they're funny, and they remind me of how each of us used to be - truthful, spontaneous, amoral and interesting. No child has ever once bored me with talk of mortgages or promotions. So our first Christmas wrongcard is for the children.
WTF Ecard with text: The great benefit to exclusively having sex with an octopus is that it won't live long enough for you both to reach that 'rocky' phase of the relationship.
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about this card: rocky phase | Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.
Inspirational Ecard with text: ALways be optimistic. But don't be as optimistic as a dog. A dog will eat its own vomit with the expectation that it will just work out better the second time around. You know what? Don't be optimistic. It doesn't work.
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about this card: optimism | Don't listen to what some people say, everyone is an optimist. Everyone is being completely optimistic - they might as well embrace the reality. Whenever I turn on the television I stare at it for eight minutes, turn it off and then have to go lie down because civilisation is clearly coming to a sticky end. But then I'm up 15 minutes later because Fox News must not win. See? Optimism. In other news, I should be a motivational speaker.
WTF Ecard with text: If I see a Western Lowland Gorilla today I am totally treating it as suspicious.
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about this card: gorillas in the midst | 'The fact that people write to thank me for making a truly useful ecard site has often given me pause for thought: what could I be doing wrong? Seems like too many of you are getting yourselves into some pretty weird situations. Today's card features a gorilla wearing a suit; if it seems relevant to your life then I have little choice but to throw my hands up in despair.'
WTF Ecard with text: FYI - I have stopped carrying molotov cocktails around with me.I just dont trust myself with them anymore.
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about this card: molotov cocktails | Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.
Workplace Ecard with text: 'They say it's our fear of failure that holds us back. But I blame Human Resources for hiring stupid middle-managers.''
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about this card: fear of failure | 'I no longer work in an office environment: people couldn't handle my realness. It's a pity because I really enjoyed it, especially 'Mysterious Fire Mondays.' I miss the middle-management types, mostly. I miss seeing the good-natured fear in their eyes whenever I visited their houses late at night to remind them that 'everybody sleeps sometime'.
Workplace Ecard with text: so what IS human resources' policy concerning the stapling of a co-worker to his/her desk?
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about this card: staplers | It is hard to remember that, although Wrongcards is now a mega-corporation with global brand-awareness and a market saturation rivaling that of Coca-Cola, we were once a small outfit run by one man and a telepathic dog. In 2008, before we sold out to corporate interests, my dog told me to make this card. Or to feed her. Look it's not important.
WTF Ecard with text: The fact that elephants are expected never to forget anything can make impending anniversaries for male elephants profoundly stressful, and been shown to lead to anxiety, depression and drug use. This elephant (pictured) is addicted to tranquilizers.
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about this card: elephants | Anniversaries are great. If you can keep someone from working out who you truly are for an entire year then you deserve a bit of a romantic celebration. Sadly it is becoming increasingly customary these days to spend your anniversary with your partner and not with prostitutes, but traditional values will come back into vogue, don't worry. Another war will see to that.
WTF Ecard with text: 'My favorite mythological creature is the giraffe. Fact: in some traditions giraffes are thought to be flightless. Which is ridiculous because if they couldn't fly, how did they all end up living in Antartica? '
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about this card: giraffes | Sometimes nice, well-meaning people will try and convince me that that lizards are not secretly running this entire planet. And privately I admit that this belief that primates rule the world is spooky and delusional but I don't SAY so, of course. I just smile and agree with them. The problem with people is that they lack a healthy skepticism. I blame the drugs that the lizards put in the water.
Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.
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about this card: zombie realism | I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.
Inspirational Ecard with text: You would be much happier if you focused on more positive things. With a picture of a dead clown.
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about this card: positive things | I don't remember drawing a picture of a severed clown head on a spear. But I must have, because here it is. Published in 2013 as an inspirational card. And I have absolutely no recollection of doing it, either. Anyway, yet another reason I won't do therapy. Because I'd have to talk about this sort of thing.