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WTF Ecards

These ecards concern mysterious clown disappearances, goat sightings, wolves in supermarkets, ghost monkeys, Winnie the Pooh, and eating glue. You see? WTF. There is simply no other way of classifying these cards, other than with three special letters: WTF. No explanation is necessary - to discover more you’re going to have to click on a card and flick through the entire category yourself. So get on board - the train is leaving the station and you have a whole lot of weirdness to get through.

WTF Ecard with text: Never annoy a dozen 4-year-olds who are armed with hatchets. Because they could probably take you down.

hatchets

I know that Christmas has traditionally been about department stores making money but I've always hoped it might one day become a holiday for children. For some reason people assume I'm cynical but I've always liked children: they're funny, and they remind me of how each of us used to be - truthful, spontaneous, amoral and interesting. No child has ever once bored me with talk of mortgages or promotions. So our first Christmas wrongcard is for the children.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: The great benefit to exclusively having sex with an octopus is that it won't live long enough for you both to reach that 'rocky' phase of the relationship.

rocky phase

Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: If I see a Western Lowland Gorilla today I am totally treating it as suspicious.

gorillas in the midst

'The fact that people write to thank me for making a truly useful ecard site has often given me pause for thought: what could I be doing wrong? Seems like too many of you are getting yourselves into some pretty weird situations. Today's card features a gorilla wearing a suit; if it seems relevant to your life then I have little choice but to throw my hands up in despair.'

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: FYI - I have stopped carrying molotov cocktails around with me.I just dont trust myself with them anymore.

molotov cocktails

Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: The fact that elephants are expected never to forget anything can make impending anniversaries for male elephants profoundly stressful, and been shown to lead to anxiety, depression and drug use. This elephant (pictured) is addicted to tranquilizers.

elephants

Anniversaries are great. If you can keep someone from working out who you truly are for an entire year then you deserve a bit of a romantic celebration. Sadly it is becoming increasingly customary these days to spend your anniversary with your partner and not with prostitutes, but traditional values will come back into vogue, don't worry. Another war will see to that.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: 'My favorite mythological creature is the giraffe. Fact: in some traditions giraffes are thought to be flightless. Which is ridiculous because if they couldn't fly, how did they all end up living in Antartica? '

giraffes

Sometimes nice, well-meaning people will try and convince me that that lizards are not secretly running this entire planet. And privately I admit that this belief that primates rule the world is spooky and delusional but I don't SAY so, of course. I just smile and agree with them. The problem with people is that they lack a healthy skepticism. I blame the drugs that the lizards put in the water.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: It is better that garden gnomes are not real, for I should have no choice but to spend all my years teaching them to meaning of fear.

gnomes and fear

Increasingly I allow myself to be persuaded that garden gnomes are probably not real - because somehow it seems to matter to the people around me - but the fact is their existence still doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would somebody intentionally make garden gnomes? And why isn't the government doing anything to stop them? And when did we all decide not to ask these questions?!

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: I have learned that if it starts yowling, it is probably only pretending to be a piñata. In which case one should stop drinking immediately.

pretending pinata

I've always wanted to have a psychiatrist who lasts more than one session. But after my hour is up they tend to be anxious to refer me to someone else. Or they disappear, forcing me to break into their house and read their private correspondence in order to track them down. One guy is in a sanatorium in Geneva. I'm wearing that dude's slippers.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.

so i am not delusional

I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.

WTF

WTF Ecard with text: So it turns out that trying to order panda in a Chinese restaurant is considered offensive.

chinese restaurants

I want to go to India one day; I love the food and the people seem really nice, despite Hollywood making them out to be violent, tomahawk-wielding lunatics who'll attack anyone in a cowboy hat. But then, I'm a worldly, cosmopolitan sort of guy. And one time I ate Chinese food. Cooked by a retired warlord called General Tso. My life is amazing!

WTF

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