In accordance with some societal conventions that I surmised all by myself, I am sending you a card with the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY written on it. Here is a picture of a dead rat. Clip art is expensive.

It's a good rule of thumb that you should always be nice to other people or else they won't give you a piece of cake on their birthdays. You can elect not to be nice and instead sneak into their houses and eat their cake while they're sleeping but take it from me, Cake Burgling is not the caper-filled dream job that we all grew up hoping it would be. So be nice to people today, okay? And send this card to someone!