Free ecards that are wrong for every occasion.
Valentines Ecard with text: If you think about it, there's nothing sexier than an octopus.
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sexy octopus

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about this card: sexy octopus | Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY’RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It’s all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I’m a marketing god.
The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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Valentines Ecard with text: I don't understand the basic point of Valentines Day so let's instead admire this picture of a penguin holding an ice cream.
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Christmas Ecard with text: I may or may not have gotten you a Christmas spider. The joy lies in the discovery.
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New Year's Ecard with text: Happy New Year. Have fun out there but remember: spider monkeys. They're a silent killer.
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Christmas Ecard with text: Merry Christmas. Good children receive gifts from Santa and bad children get eaten by the Christmas Leopard. Look - don't get angry at me, I don't make up the rules.
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Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for turning me into a fully functional, mature adult capable of determining right from wrong. These turtles are having sex.
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