Free Valentines Ecard: 'Sexy Octopus' | Wrongcards

Valentines Ecard with text: If you think about it, there's nothing sexier than an octopus. — about this card: sexy octopus | Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY’RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It’s all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I’m a marketing god.

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Valentines Ecard with text: I don't understand the basic point of Valentines Day so let's instead admire this picture of a penguin holding an ice cream.

Christmas Ecard with text: I may or may not have gotten you a Christmas spider. The joy lies in the discovery.

New Year's Ecard with text: Happy New Year. Have fun out there but remember: spider monkeys. They're a silent killer.

Christmas Ecard with text: Merry Christmas. Good children receive gifts from Santa and bad children get eaten by the Christmas Leopard. Look - don't get angry at me, I don't make up the rules.

Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for turning me into a fully functional, mature adult capable of determining right from wrong. These turtles are having sex.

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A Not So Cricketty Christmas

Some games of cricket can last for weeks. In fact, I think that's one of the reasons I moved to America.

The Infernal Terracotta Pot

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

The Infernal Terracotta Pot

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

Strange Passage, Part Two

... and then I was locked up in a holding cell ...

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... and then I was locked up in a holding cell ...

Strange Passage, Part One

I tell you, it really makes a man think.

Strange Passage, Part One

I tell you, it really makes a man think.

Don't Mention the War

I'll be very careful, don't worry.

Don't Mention the War

I'll be very careful, don't worry.

books by me

The Harvard Skull Fiasco Book Cover

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Rise of the Blue Bandicoot Book Cover

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The Blue Bandicoot Saga Book Cover

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The Harvard Skull Fiasco Book Cover

Shea suffers from pathological problems with authority. When he's not fixing computers in the library at Harvard Medical School, he's tormenting middle managers and feuding with his boss. But where in the Harvard employee manual does it say you have to behave perfectly at all times?