When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
Thinking Of You
cards
'I have a theory. Have you ever vomited and thought: "My God, there's tiny bits of carrots in it. Look at 'em all. Wait, I didn't eat carrots. When's the last time I ate carrots? I need to eat more carrots." Anyway I have a theory. Your appendix? It produces tiny pieces of carrot for when you throw up. That's my theory. (I never said it was a good theory).'
Family
cards
I was raised in a trailer by my grandma, a wonderful, wise old bird who sold cat pelts to tourists to fund her collection of human teeth. When she wasn't passed out drunk on kerosene, she was doing everything humanly possible to provide me with a normal childhood, including carefully negotiated contracts with witch doctors. This card is for those who weren't as lucky as me.
