Free ecards that are wrong for every occasion.
The Harvard Skull Fiasco

Keep up with my nonsense

Subscribe to my newsletter
and get one of my ebooks for free.

  1. Home
  2. All
  3. Holiday
  4. Fathers Day

Father's Day

Fathers Day Ecards. Possibly the worst..

The smell of vodka, cheap aftershave and the stirrings of filial gratitude. It must be Father’s Day. He was always there for you, or perhaps he wasn’t? Good old whats-his-face. Pa. The guy who knocked up your mother. This is the moment where you have to say ‘Thank you, Dad’. Once a year you send the old man a token gesture of ’no-hard-feelings.’ You google ‘cards fathers day’ and then you tap out a few maudlin words and the sorry business is over. Father’s Day Card sent. And now for the more pressing task of not turning into him…

Father's Day Ecard with text: Happy Fathers Day and thank you for teaching me about the birds and the bees by leaving your porn stash in a location that was conveniently accessible to children.
Father's Day Ecards view send
about this card: birds and bees | My Dad wasn't around much when I was a kid 'cause he was busy walking on the moon or making movies, so I had 20 or so 'other Dads', owing to Nanna's natural charisma. They taught me all sorts of things, like how to borrow cars, how to grow plants inside a cupboard and how to drive quickly away from banks. Today's card? Send it to your Dad(s).
Father's Day Ecard with text: Happy Father's Day and thank you for not contaminating my moral universe by giving me any material possessions.
Father's Day Ecards view send
about this card: moral universe | My father was Cary Grant. Or Neil Armstrong - my Nanna could get a bit inconsistent after her second bottle of turpentine. Dad being Cary Grant would make a lot of sense, of course, but if he was Neil Armstong then that would explain my tendency to always push everyone out of the way in trying to be the first through any door.
Father's Day Ecard with text: Dad, thanks for turning me into a self-made man
Father's Day Ecards view send
about this card: self-made man | I’m aware I have had certain advantages in life. Not every boy gets to grow up knowing his dad was both an astronaut AND an arctic explorer. My grandmother says it’s a pity my dad had to go into hiding when the lizard people from Rigel VI surreptitiously took control of all the world’s major governments, because I’d have really liked him.
Father's Day Ecard with text: Dad, you will always be a shining example of what will happen to me if I don't do any cardio.
Father's Day Ecards view send
about this card: shining example | If it weren’t for women I don’t reckon men would bother with Fathers Day. And the concept of birthdays doesn’t make sense to us either. “HE knows it’s the annivesary of his birth: why do WE have to remind him?” Also - cutlery wouldn't exist without women. We'd still have can-openers though. We’d have racks of really, really expensive can-openers hanging proudly on our walls.
Father's Day Ecard with text: Happy Father's Day, even if we don't have much in common other than an early interest in my Mother's breasts.
Father's Day Ecards view send
about this card: commonality | Look over your shoulder - is somebody there? If not, quietly click on the link and look upon the Wrongcard that you won't be sending your Dad for Father's Day. Then - close the window and try not to think about it too much.
Father's Day Ecard with text: Happy father's day from one of your more legitimate children
Father's Day Ecards view send
Father's Day Ecard with text: happy father's day and thank you for making sure that half of my genetic material did not wind up trapped in a bubble of latex.
Father's Day Ecards view send
Father's Day Ecard with text: I would have forked out real money for a real Fathers Day card, but it turns out that God is my real father.
Father's Day Ecards view send
Father's Day Ecard with text: dear dad, thank you for taking the time to knock-up my mother. you sure earned this father's day card. your child.
Father's Day Ecards view send

latest newsletters

Wrongcards and the Mind Virus

I've been revisiting some of my older cards. Some of them are inexplicable.

A Not So Cricketty Christmas

Some games of cricket can last for weeks. In fact, I think that's one of the reasons I moved to America.

The Infernal Terracotta Pot

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

Strange Passage, Part Two

And then I was locked up in a holding cell, wondering what to do next.

Strange Passage, Part One

I tell you, it really makes a man think.