Father's Day Ecards

The smell of vodka, cheap aftershave and the stirrings of filial gratitude. It must be Father’s Day. He was always there for you, or perhaps he wasn’t? Good old whats-his-face. Pa. The guy who knocked up your mother. This is the moment where you have to say ‘Thank you, Dad’. Once a year you send the old man a token gesture of ‘no-hard-feelings.’ You google ‘cards fathers day’ and then you tap out a few maudlin words and the sorry business is over. Father’s Day Card sent. And now for the more pressing task of not turning into him…

Ecard text: Happy Fathers Day and thank you for teaching me about the birds and the bees by leaving your porn stash in a location that was conveniently accessible to children.
Ecard text: Happy Father's Day and thank you for not contaminating my moral universe by giving me any material possessions.
Ecard text: Dad, thanks for turning me into a self-made man
Ecard text: Dad, you will always be a shining example of what will happen to me if I don't do any cardio.
Ecard text: Happy Father's Day, even if we don't have much in common other than an early interest in my Mother's breasts.
Ecard text: Happy father's day from one of your more legitimate children
Ecard text: happy father's day and thank you for making sure that half of my genetic material did not wind up trapped in a bubble of latex.
Ecard text: I would have forked out real money for a real Fathers Day card, but it turns out that God is my real father.
Ecard text: dear dad, thank you for taking the time to knock-up my mother. you sure earned this father's day card. your child.