Excuses Ecard with text: I regret that I cannot come over, but I must spend the evening attending to the needy and applying compresses to the fevered brows of sick orphans.

About This Card

It hurts me to imagine that someone is out there at this very moment apologetically saying, ‘I am sorry, I have no excuse….’ I spend my life thinking up excuses, so take it from me - [sorry, the rest of this thought was written down by me and then eaten by ducks. WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?]

24 Feb 2011

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alone with you

Here we are in the second month of our voyage aboard the good ship '2018'. Your Captain is here at the prow, crossbow in hand, on the look-out for albatrosses, and thinking about Valentines Day. Did you know people first celebrated Valentines Day in Roman times? They used to pair off women with men by a lottery. I know! And I'm a bad person for not celebrating it. Sigh. I'm just enabling you all.

Valentines

WTF Ecard with text: The great benefit to exclusively having sex with an octopus is that it won't live long enough for you both to reach that 'rocky' phase of the relationship.

rocky phase

Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.

WTF

Love Ecard with text: It has not escaped my notice that I am expected to reveal an occasional awareness of our relationship by routinely presenting you with some sort of sentiment adorned with romantic symbology. Please enjoy this 'geometric cardioid' that was recognized for many centuries as an icon of genitalia. I thus expect that one or more sexual encounters will ensure.

cardioid

I'm an acknowledged expert in a couple of fields - it's only modesty preventing me from telling you which. But I will say that my as yet unpublished tome 'The Psychology of Wasps and Wasp-like Invertebrates' puts me among the greatest scientific minds of our age. I just need to secure a publisher (the hardware store won't sell me any zip-ties). Oh, I'm also an expert on romance. I'm such a renaissance man.

Love

inflatable sheep

So I invented Rehash Wednesday years ago but the world stole my idea and made it #ThrowbackThursday to avoid having to pay me royalties. Which is fine because I am nice, even people who haven't met me say so all the time. Anyhow, I'm told there is a lot of yellow in this card but I haven't been able to see yellow since I got angry that one time and ate some lead pencils. I think this card is about sheep and morality.

Thinking of You

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