Ecard text: I regret that I cannot come over, but I must spend the evening attending to the needy and applying compresses to the fevered brows of sick orphans.
about this card
It hurts me to imagine that someone is out there at this very moment apologetically saying, "I'm sorry, I have no excuse...." I spend my life thinking up excuses, so take it from me - [sorry, the rest of this thought was written down by me and then eaten by ducks. WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?]
ABOUT THIS CARD
It hurts me to imagine that someone is out there at this very moment apologetically saying, "I'm sorry, I have no excuse...." I spend my life thinking up excuses, so take it from me - [sorry, the rest of this thought was written down by me and then eaten by ducks. WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?]

subscribe to my newsletter

Sign up here to get the latest updates and
receive one of my novels for free.

Random Cards
Ecard text: You have no reason to be unhappy. Here are half a dozen better reasons to be unhappy.
Ecard text: Happy Hanukkah from somebody who doesn't really know what it is and hopes you will never try to explain it.
Ecard text: If I ever survived a crucifixion, the last thing I'd want to think about or see again is a crucifix. But I'm sure Jesus doesn't think the whole Easter festival is tactless.
Ecard text: merry hanukkah. may the Jewish santa bring you lots of amazing stuff! woot!
BOOKS BY ME

"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

Subscribe, and receive for free!

"One of the funniest books that I've read."
—Joe Z.

"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.