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Ecard text: Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for turning me into a fully functional, mature adult capable of determining right from wrong. These turtles are having sex.
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Anna Jarvis, the creator of Mothers Day, was so appalled by the commercialization of the holiday that she later protested it and organized boycotts. That's why our cards match the true, original spirit of Mother's Day - we never court mass appeal or pander to the market. Example: just look at the badly behaving turtles in this card. Wrongcards: principles before profit.

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"Shea is beginning to think that stealing the world's most famous skull wasn't the best way to launch his career in cat burglary..."

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From My Newsletter, June 20, 2019

I also considered throwing a chair through a window, but I didn't because it was my chair, and also my window. One should be particular when it comes to picking out targets for petty acts of vandalism.

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Ecard text: You can tell your kids that they probably can't make mutant friends who'll help them fight crime with them this way, but it's probably a more effective lesson if you just let them work it out for themselves.
In my tireless campaign to teach responsible parenting I do occasionally take a mistep. But this is only because I lack any real experience in child-raising. I don't know if today's card is a mistep but I do think that it is, at the very least, true. And you can't fault a person for being right, can you?
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WTF cards

Ecard text: So lately I've been thinking about rabbits and I've decided they are a moral vacuum. But nobody ever talks about it.
It's re-hash Wednesday, and normally I'd like to touch upon the Great Themes of Western Philosophy but sadly the whole Western canon was recently patented by Apple. So here is a picture of some very happy rabbits.
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Romance cards

Ecard text: Look, I don't judge you about YOUR taste in sex toys.
I suspect that today's wrongcard may be a little Not Safe For Work though I'm not sure or good at judging that sort of thing. It's a WTF card, though, which means it is probably more impractical than usual. It's a pity that 'cards that are wrong for every occasion' is such an impractical idea. Next time I start a company I'll do a business plan.
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Christmas cards

Ecard text: merry christmas. dear Santa, all I want this year is a leg of your finest venison. Dancer or Prancer is ok but not Rudolf cause he is some kind of genetic freak.
The song 'I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus' offers a pretty sinister implication when you believe in Santa. When I was a little kid, thinking about this man carrying on with some kid's mum was pretty distressing. Sure, he's a notorious 'reverse burglar', but what's his deal with messing about with other kid's mums? It's understandable then that when other kids got better presents than me, it did kind of change my attitude towards their mothers. In unrelated news, for some reason I wasn't invited to Christmas parties as a child either.
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