Mothers Day is such a crass and insipid holiday that the woman who created it began protesting it.
Mother’s Day is an important holiday/scam run by the greeting card industry. What? You think I’m being cynical? Let me tell you something.
The first Mother’s Day was celebrated in 1907 by Anna Jarvis, who campaigned to make it a national holiday. Then in the 1920s, HALLMARK started selling Mother’s Day Cards! Anna Jarvis was disgusted and said, (according to Wikipedia), “people should appreciate and honor their mothers through handwritten letters expressing their love and gratitude, instead of buying gifts and pre-made cards.”
In conclusion, the nice lady who founded Mother’s Day became an active protester against the commercialization of the holiday she created, and was once arrested for disturbing the peace. In short, she wound up hating HALLMARK even more than I do. So, yeah – the Mother’s Day Greetings you find on this page are free. And by the way, the greeting card industry is insipid rubbish. Stick to Wrongcards.
Anna Jarvis, the creator of Mothers Day, was so appalled by the commercialization of the holiday that she later protested it and organized boycotts. That's why our cards match the true, original spirit of Mother's Day - we never court mass appeal or pander to the market. Example: just look at the badly behaving turtles in this card. Wrongcards: principles before profit.
It's that time of year when we all remember our mothers. That's right. Mothers Day is nigh - at least, it is in North America. Different countries tend to celebrate Mothers Day at different times of year. I know, right? Why can't the world just agree on one thing? It's like we were all brought up badly or something. Anyway. This card has 25% more good taste than the others.
They say that my Mum had a very generous spirit. I have few memories of her, mostly they're of her leaving to go out on her rounds in her nurses uniform. It's a pity she wasn't a nurse. Mother's Day is an important holiday/scam run by the greeting card industry. I'll be honest about it at least until Wrongcards is profitable, after which I'm obligated to pretend it's not nonsense.
I'm ignoring our re-hash Wednesday tradition and posting a new card today because, well, I have the power to do so and because I am the boss. Being a boss is like being a king except instead of bringing you courtesans they bring you tea. Today's card is about Mother's Day. I'm sorry I mentioned courtesans before. Sometimes I say things that are a little bit inappropriate. It's a bit of a secret.
I had a pretty normal childhood even though I was raised by my Nanna after my parents were kidnapped by lizard people. Nanna was in the underground before our side surrendered, and she had to live in 'psychic hiding' (constant inebriation) to avoid detection by mind scanners. So coming up with Mothers Day cards is, of course, a bit tricky. But what I like about this card is that it is reassuring.
People often say to me: "Who are you?! And how did you get in here?" And I say: "Sorry, wrong house!" and apologize for eating their yogurt. People also say to me, "you're a good son, your Mother must be proud!" and then I have to explain that I was raised by my grandmother who fed me lizards. And people wonder why I like the taste of yogurt so much.
I'm not allowed to celebrate Mother's Day with Mother, so each year I make a life-sized doll, you see, and I sit with her at the table and we make tea and I bring her favorite cigarettes and liquorice. When it is over I take her outside and set her on fire. Without traditions we would all be lost.
With Mother's Day looming I thought it best that we all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Fate did not turn our life arcs into some kind of sick cosmic joke. Of course, I hope I'm not being presumptuous here.
This card is from 2010, which goes to show you how long I've been aware of the vampire geese cover-up. What? You haven't heard of it? Let me show you something. If you ever mention something that others haven't heard of, say this phrase: "The mainstream media doesn't want you to know about _____!". In this case, 'Vampire Geese'. Seriously, how have I not been invited onto Fox News by now?
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