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Ecard text: Happy Mothers Day. There is no greater proof of my affection for you than the fact that I never set fire to a rival sibling, no matter how funny it would have been.
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I'm ignoring our re-hash Wednesday tradition and posting a new card today because, well, I have the power to do so and because I am the boss. Being a boss is like being a king except instead of bringing you courtesans they bring you tea. Today's card is about Mother's Day. I'm sorry I mentioned courtesans before. Sometimes I say things that are a little bit inappropriate. It's a bit of a secret.

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"Shea is beginning to think that stealing the world's most famous skull wasn't the best way to launch his career in cat burglary..."

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From My Newsletter, June 20, 2019

I also considered throwing a chair through a window, but I didn't because it was my chair, and also my window. One should be particular when it comes to picking out targets for petty acts of vandalism.

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Family cards

Ecard text: I think that if you had been an only child, you would have become lonely and tried to imagine me. And that would have become dangerous because if your imagination had summoned me, I would have wound up becoming our parents favorite again.
A Family Card today that touches on the subject of sibling rivalry, with apologies to the 'only child's among us. And apologies as well to orphans and people who burned their families' house down, because they probably find cards mentioning siblings somewhat tactless. You see how it's hard to please everybody.
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Family cards

Ecard text: Genghis Khan killed his own brother when he was thirteen. And he went on to greatness. This is not a threat, just an observation based on a factual instance from history.
You all know me as a staunch defender of family values. Although Genghis Khan is not closely connected with Thanksgiving he DID father thousands of children and set them up with a dynastic empire. You don't get more family-oriented than that. Did your parents do as much for you? Doubt it. Ask them why not this holiday season.
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Workplace cards

Ecard text: Im always right but no one ever listens but i don't care and basically they should all burn.
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Cheer Up cards

Ecard text: When i need cheering up, i just try to imagine everything and everyone around me on fire. try it - you'll feel a whole lot better.
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