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Ecard text: Thank you Mother for refraining from eating me when I was small, and thus making this Mothers Day card possible.
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They say that my Mum had a very generous spirit. I have few memories of her, mostly they're of her leaving to go out on her rounds in her nurses uniform. It's a pity she wasn't a nurse. Mother's Day is an important holiday/scam run by the greeting card industry. I'll be honest about it at least until Wrongcards is profitable, after which I'm obligated to pretend it's not nonsense.



The Harvard Skull Fiasco is Now Available

There's a new book out in the world, and I wrote it.

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Thanksgiving cards

Ecard text: Some say that there is more to Thanksgiving than gluttony disguised as gratitude, or the massacre of 5.3 million turkeys. HA HA HA HA HA HAHA.
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Christmas cards

Ecard text: 'Merry Christmas. Remember: it's probably not very sensitive to be leaving out cookies for a man who famously struggles with his weight.'
| I watch Fox News so I know all about the plot against Christmas. That's right: conspirators are subverting people's belief in Santa. As a small business owner, and a believer in Santa Claus (I even saw him in a shopping mall once), I make this pledge: For every 1000 boxes of Wrongcards you buy I will send you a Fox News coffee mug (possibly chipped). Christmas saved, kids.
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Fathers Day cards

Ecard text: Dad, you will always be a shining example of what will happen to me if I don't do any cardio.
If it weren’t for women I don’t reckon men would bother with Fathers Day. And the concept of birthdays doesn’t make sense to us either. “HE knows it’s the annivesary of his birth: why do WE have to remind him?” Also - cutlery wouldn't exist without women. We'd still have can-openers though. We’d have racks of really, really expensive can-openers hanging proudly on our walls.
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WTF cards

Ecard text: So it turns out that trying to order panda in a Chinese restaurant is considered offensive.
I want to go to India one day; I love the food and the people seem really nice, despite Hollywood making them out to be violent, tomahawk-wielding lunatics who'll attack anyone in a cowboy hat. But then, I'm a worldly, cosmopolitan sort of guy. And one time I ate Chinese food. Cooked by a retired warlord called General Tso. My life is amazing!
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