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Halloween Ecards

Every Halloween a bunch of creepy stuff happens. Plastic skeletons appear on porches. People burn pumpkins. Children go around in disguise extorting confectionery. And people send wrong Halloween Cards to their otherwise blameless friends. Say Happy Halloween with a Wrongcard and only mildly annoy them. As far as gifts go.. well, they’re free and slightly less tacky than a plastic jack-o-lantern.

Halloween cards

Ecard text: Trick'o'treating teaches children how to run extortion rackets for candy. You might as well just TELL them to grow up and become bankers.
I don't really know anything about the history of Halloween but (and this is just a theory) I have basically assumed that the early Americans really hated pumpkins.
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Halloween cards

Ecard text: The best way to terrify children on Halloween is to take them along on your morning commute and explain to them that theis will be part of their daily routine for about forty years.
Once there were people who knew all sorts of surprising facts. We respected them. Now, when people know surprising facts, we just figure they spent their lunch-hour at wikipedia. There's no thrill to being informed anymore. That's why I became a wikipedia editor. BTW if anyone tells you Halloween is about 'giant duck aliens', you're welcome.
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Halloween cards

Ecard text: The most successful 'trick or treat' in history was carried out by some merry pranksters in the Wall Street investment banking community, and it led to the passing of the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008.
When the silver-haired man on the television says that government has to get out of the way of big business, and that regulations hurt America, I nod sternly. His teeth look expensive. When the man says that regulations are good for women's bodies and that marriage has to be regulated to prevent gays from being happy, I nod sternly. We can all wear gold watches if we work hard.
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Halloween cards

Ecard text: Every year my stupid voodoo-obsessed cat starts prophesying your death. Next time I'm getting one that's a nihilist.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince a single individual that I am some kind of imaginary friend that only they can see.
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Halloween cards

Ecard text: Let's get dressed up as suburban parents, knock on doors and ask if the candy is gluten-free.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then make up ridiculous lies to justify it all. Chiefly I blame our community here for Being Enablers but I also forgive you all because, well, it's nearly Halloween. And everybody knows that Halloween is about accepting people for being strange. Here's to you!
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Halloween cards

Ecard text: If you dont decorate the front of your house with morbid, grisly plastic ornaments that were manufactured in China, then people think you're some kind of weirdo.
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