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Ecard text: This Thanksgiving, let's be thankful to the US government for only supplying guns to calm, rational people with moderate religious views and opinions.
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I'm not American but I live in Boston. Thanksgiving is a lovely holiday that celebrates family life with good food and confusing games of football. I don't like the tradition of forcing foreign male guests to sleep with all the old ladies present but it's your holiday and I respect local customs even when I don't understand them.

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"Shea is beginning to think that stealing the world's most famous skull wasn't the best way to launch his career in cat burglary..."

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From My Newsletter, June 20, 2019

I also considered throwing a chair through a window, but I didn't because it was my chair, and also my window. One should be particular when it comes to picking out targets for petty acts of vandalism.

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Ecard text: I have been looking into it and apparently being evil pays pretty well and is probably more rewarding than what I'm doing now.
Do you ever find yourself blacking out and waking up hours later in a field several miles from your home holding a dead squirrel and having no memory of how you got there? Yeah, I don't either and I blame the people around me for expecting more of me than that. I did a card about Being Evil. I don't advise sending it to anyone.
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Ecard text: I have no particular opinion about the overall worth of middle-management. And a picture of a hanging man in silhouette.
You know what bugs me? Being told I have pathological problems with authority. I just don't see it, man. And besides, why I should be subjected to psycho-babble just because I rightly understand that if I don't terrorize a middle-manager every day the entire world will fall into a thousand years of darkness, with pestilence and giant clowns? I'm a bit disappointed in psychiatry, too, obviously.
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Ecard text: Some Romans killed a nice man and then people began to worship him as a God. Then people said 'He DIED for you!? except it turns out you can't kill a God that easily and three days later he was back on his feet anyway.
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Ecard text: 'i will be busy all day concealing a violent attitude towards authority and I do not wish to be disturbed'
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card like this and then spend the rest of the day writing letters to various newspaper editors requesting more coverage of the small African nation of Bunwabe. I sign the letters 'concerned'. Bunwabe is a country I completely made up. I believe that one day I'll know why I do this.
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