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Ecard text: 'My favorite mythological creature is the giraffe. Fact: in some traditions giraffes are thought to be flightless. Which is ridiculous because if they couldn't fly, how did they all end up living in Antartica? '
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Sometimes nice, well-meaning people will try and convince me that that lizards are not secretly running this entire planet. And privately I admit that this belief that primates rule the world is spooky and delusional but I don't SAY so, of course. I just smile and agree with them. The problem with people is that they lack a healthy skepticism. I blame the drugs that the lizards put in the water.



The Story So Far, Part I

I just disappeared for four years. It's time to come out from the woodwork, but where do I start? How about I go back to the middle?

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Ecard text: I have learned that if it starts yowling, it is probably only pretending to be a piñata. In which case one should stop drinking immediately.
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Ecard text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.
Consider that on Wednesdays I like to post older cards for the sake of nostalgia. In the rich tapestry that we call the human experience, the muddled moments of madness, forgetfulness and shoplifted puddings that sustain each of us, does it truly matter if today is Thursday? Thank you, your forgiveness is very dear to me.
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Ecard text: I need you back with me, I've started eating mice again.
People throw about the phrase 'a cry for help' pretty loosely in society these days - it's easy to get confused. I used to think wearing gumboots while not working in an agricultural capacity was a cry for help. See? If I can get confused, anyone can. Today's rehash Wednesday card is kind of a cry for help but trust me: for best results set a divan on fire.
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