Happy Birthday. You're going to get old and live in one of thousands of identical boxes and then get sad and die. But today is not the day to think about that, ok?

Do you know anybody having a birthday this weekend? If so, this is not really the best card to send them. Unless you're giving them a completely rubbish present and you want to draw attention away from it. I once gave someone a chocolate bar wrapped up in gift paper, but that was before chocolate bars got so expensive.