you don't want a paper card with pictures of puppies and balloons on your birthday. you want a wrongcard with a picture of a dead clown. happy birthday.

You probably all thought I was dead. Can you not be so morbid? Anyway, unrelated but if any of you are suffering a life-threatening illness, can you PLEASE not leave your body to science and leave it to me? We're four weeks out from Halloween and I haven't got my authentic porch ornaments sorted. If the folks next door want to make 'Halloween decorations' a competition, then fine. Bring it Karen.