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Birthday Ecards
a paper card
You probably all thought I was dead. Can you not be so morbid? Anyway, unrelated but if any of you are suffering a life-threatening illness, can you PLEASE not leave your body to science and leave it to me? We're four weeks out from Halloween and I haven't got my authentic porch ornaments sorted. If the folks next door want to make 'Halloween decorations' a competition, then fine. Bring it Karen.
everybody loves balloons
One time, I went down to Human Resources and asked if I could create a support group for co-workers who fall in love with balloon animals. They were against the idea, but I covered my ears and yelled for a while, and eventually they gave in. I'm very tenacious. So, I chaired the support group and a couple of people from the 4th floor showed up, I think out of curiosity, really. And what I did is tell them they were all very sick individuals who deserved to be fired. The human resources lady was not happy. I suspect she might secretly be dating a balloon animal.
comrade lenin
This is the first Wrongcard I created, back in March 2008. I think some part of me was hoping it would annoy both staunch capitalists AND devout communists. But sadly, most of the complaints I receive concern the Easter card collection. Which goes to show how people who enjoy being offended by things can be a little unpredictable.
here is your card
The thing I noticed about other people's birthdays is that they never feel as good as mine. Like, if the custom was that everybody had to buy me a present on their birthday, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more. There's something about people's birthdays that makes them seem really selfish. This is why I sometimes put spiders in people's birthday cakes. Making people better is a duty that I shall not shirk.
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