Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. I give you permission to touch yourself while thinking about me. Paying me a modest sum for the privilege is optional but is considered traditional.

About This Card

Birthday Card: This card is an attempt to inspire a new, less selfish, Birthday tradition. It is, however, a slightly NSFW sentiment.

10 Jun 2011

Share this Card

Twitter Linkedin Facebook Pinterest Reddit Email

Send

inflatable pony

Romance is dead, they said - but I found out where they buried it. Now it's safely hidden under my bed. Don't worry, it only smells when I get it damp.

Love

still want you

Romance today is all about half-measures. It's gotten so bad that boys don't even steal flowers from graves any more, they just buy 'em in a shop. That's like saying 'I'll do anything to win and retain your affections provided it's convenient and lawful'. Once, lovers red-lined their emotions well into the realm of corpse desecration. But its ok, Romance can be saved; Wrongcards is taking it back!

Love

Missing You Ecard with text: I miss you but on the upside I at least have a lot more time to get in touch with my OWN body.

upside of missing you

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I'm a man and sometimes I have emotions. When Bunheads got canceled I went into a bit of a dark place. I dragged most of my furniture into the backyard and burned it all in a cold rage, and grew a beard for a while. Downton Abbey reruns made me feel whole again. You know what? I'm dedicating today's card to you. And to Bunheads.

Missing You

Flirting Ecard with text: We should get together and have sex sometime. Im getting to be quite good at it, by practicing on things etc.

practically

Today's card is a rehash Wednesday flirting card which means it's probably Not Safe For Work (whatever that means) though it CAN be useful if you'd like to flirt with someone today. It will also make you more popular - every time I send it to a woman she writes back and tells me how much she just wants to be my friend, which obviously is very sweet and quite complimentary.

Flirting

from the newsletter

That's how close I came to becoming a crypto-bro. And I don't know about you, but I really feel I dodged a bullet there.

— I Made Postcards You'd Only Send to Your Enemies

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

inflatable pony

Romance is dead, they said - but I found out where they buried it. Now it's safely hidden under my bed. Don't worry, it only smells when I get it damp.

Love

latest newsletters

A cautionary tale about inappropriate postcards, forgotten Amazon stores, and why I'm giving away the evidence.

— I Made Postcards You'd Only Send to Your Enemies

On the hidden costs of raising children in late-stage capitalism.

— When Your Inner Monologue Escapes

How the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy foresaw AI chatbots, voice assistants, and irritating kitchen appliances decades before anyone else

— Don't Panic, but Douglas Adams Predicted All of This

Our decline into madness is inevitable, so there's really no need to panic.

— Never Go Full Rowling (Spoiler: You Will)

Keyboard Shortcuts

Share this Card