To be used as a flirtation device. They won't work, but it'll be fun to watch.
These will help you to flirt with people. I doubt they’re effective. But coming to Wrongcards for good pick up lines shows you have good taste, so let me help you out.
First off, when you send an ecard, you’re saying something. You’re saying, I’m from the nineties. We sent cards then, okay? That’s how we expressed ourselves. When we wanted to meet somebone, we asked to borrow a pen. That’s right. We just walked up to them and said, ‘Hey, can I borrow a pen?’ like that was completely normal. And you know something? That wasn’t cringe because cringe wasn’t even a word back then. Neither was Tinder, frankly, but that’s another story. My point is, we approached each other as strangers and tried not to do it weirdly. Because we were afraid. Not of being seen as weird, but of ending up dying alone and unloved in a cold damp room, on a mildewed carpet beside a dead clown with a needle in its arm. And lots of spiders.
And you don’t need me to tell you that’s quite a lot of pressure. So what I’m getting at is, do you know what is worse than bad pick up lines? Waking up beside a dead clown with a needle in its arm. So I guess the question you should be asking yourself is, what is worse? Waking up beside a dead clown with a needle in its arm, or going out on a limb and expressing yourself to a stranger?
Listen. You got this. I’m in your corner. All you have to do is send one of these cards, sit back and wait. And if it doesn’t result in a restraining order, you can chalk it up as a win.
I know many of you hope one day to find a special someone with an excellent credit history and maybe go in on a thirty-year fixed-rate mortgage together. I too am a romantic. But romance isn't just about money - there's a biological aspect to it too. If you don't send today's card to a potential co-mortgage signatory then you'll never have any offspring to fight about in court. I'm here to help.
Let's say you're romantically involved with a balloon animal. Society doesn't understand - it never does - and you have to sneak out to this one Italian restaurant where the staff aren't all that judgmental. Now one night, over a candlelit dinner, she wafts across the table and touches the candle flame. Pop! She's dead! Do you tip the waiter for one meal or two?
May 9th is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. I believe that every washing machine manufactured after 1963 was designed to eat precisely one sock per month, just to keep everybody in the consumer world a little off-balance. So where do all the socks go? They're sacrificed, with noble intent, for our collective unease. It's a religion I'm starting. And, of course, I'll be taking donations...
Today's card is a rehash Wednesday flirting card which means it's probably Not Safe For Work (whatever that means) though it CAN be useful if you'd like to flirt with someone today. It will also make you more popular - every time I send it to a woman she writes back and tells me how much she just wants to be my friend, which obviously is very sweet and quite complimentary.
Anteaters were once thought to be related to aardvarks but they turned out to be related to sloths and armadillos. I have never seem an anteater but I've seen several wombats. Anteaters aren't related to wombats but I don't see any reason why they wouldn't get along. Today's re-hash Wednesday card is dedicated to any anteater reading this.
As an enlightened sort of bloke I often feel a heavy weight of responsibility to help my fellow man understand that Romance topic that women like to yap about. Fellas, try to share half the pizza with her, alright? And remember, romance doesn't cost much when there are free wrongcards to send, or even just fresh flower bouquets laying about unattended near new graves. Here to help.
On re-hash Wednesday we nostalgically re-visit a card from days of yore. This was published on April 13, 2008, back when Wrongcards was a weekend project that I ran to stress-test the patience of Harvard's Department of Human Resources. BTW I told them that, there being only 20 million Australians, I was therefore a minority. 'You can't fire minorities', I said. Logic is my superpower.
Like a few dozen other men I have a bit of a romantic streak. Sometimes I buy myself lilies or I light scented candles and take long baths. Or I put on some hip-hop and have a bit of a cry for no reason at all. I'll get annoyed at my lady and not tell her why and just wash up loudly. Or not talk to her because of something she did in one of my dreams. Othertimes - I just make a wrongcard.
Today is re-hash Wednesday; I post an older card and then ever so slightly exaggerate my plans for the rest of the afternoon. By the way, I hope today's card doesn't discourage anyone. Frankly, I hope it inspires a certain spirit of scientific inquiry.
So, what did you do today? I drew a smurf. What?! Yeah - a smurf. Damn, man. Yeah I know - keep me in your prayers.
The thing about eels is that they really are impossible to feel neutral about. You might think you like them a lot, say, when you're eating them in a Japanese restaurant. But face to face with them in an ocean, you will have one just thought: that thing is so ugly it is practically anathema.
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