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Ecard text: Be careful when you are cutting your birthday cake in case in contains a nest of spiders. Lunging at spiders with a knife might make them misinterpret the situation.
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It's someone's birthday today, maybe not yours or mine but it's someone's; it's commonsense. I know lots about people and most of what I know about people I learned from spiders. Though wasps, when you think about it, are a kind of winged spider. Spiders don't hum like wasps, they just whistle. Nobody really knows why.



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Ecard text: I'm not saying that you eat spiders. I'm saying that we don't see spiders when you're around and that you rarely seem to be hungry, and it that it might be possible to exrapolate from this.
You all know that I hate to boast but the fact is that I'm really good at logic. The only thing that stops me from writing a book called 'How To Defeat Everybody With Logic' is the worrying fact that I still occasionally see zebras following me around that nobody else can see. And Katie Couric would ask me about it during the interview and I'd have no response. Plus I'm also in love with Katie Couric.
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Ecard text: I will forgive you for not making me a better person if you make cake.
I'm a good boy: I visit Mother once every three years whether I want to or not, though I tend not to call her on Mothers Day in case she starts to get uppish. I'm a firm believer in doing nice things for Mother so I will probably remember to send her this card this year.
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Ecard text: It's your birthday! They give you a cake. And then a crowd of people help themselves to a slice. And everybody congratulates you while they eat your alleged cake. They eat it all up in front of you and you only get one slice, maybe two.
It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.
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Ecard text: We light candles on top of a slightly stale sponge cake and everybody cheerlessly sings a song. Then you make a wish, blow out the candles/spit all over the cake and then we have to eat it and say how much we like it and YAY!
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