Do you know anybody having a birthday this weekend? If so, this is not really the best card to send them. Unless you're giving them a completely rubbish present and you want to draw attention away from it. I once gave someone a chocolate bar wrapped up in gift paper, but that was before chocolate bars got so expensive.
And we're back from my mid-Autumn hiatus with a Birthday Card. I know a lot of you were beginning to worry that I'd gone and got myself eaten by a bear. I haven't stopped being vigilant of course but around this time of year in Cambridge, MA, I'm more worried about being attacked by supermarket wolves.
Sometimes I like to organize surprise birthday parties for random colleagues I don't know very well. Suddenly they're surrounded by cake and balloons and people singing in their cubicle. It's awkward for them because only two people there will know it's not actually their birthday. I suppose it's because I like cake.
Birthday Card: This card is an attempt to inspire a new, less selfish, Birthday tradition. It is, however, a slightly NSFW sentiment.
Is it your Birthday today? Then I created a perfect card just for you. A-ha! I don't know anyone having a birthday. It was a lie. I lie like a rug! And I'm adrift in a sea of fabrication and dishonesty. But then again: if it isn't your Birthday then you have to admit, you kinda failed me personally as well. I'm going to forgive you, though, because it's what Dr. Phil would want me to do. Dr. Phil has a nice moustache.
Stands to reason
It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.
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