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page 39

Home Ecards

Celebration Concerned Dark Humor Family Holiday Jewish Just Because Love
Mother's Day Ecard with text: I dont blame you for anything, other than my inexplicable phobia of vampire geese.

blaming mother

This card is from 2010, which goes to show you how long I've been aware of the vampire geese cover-up. What? You haven't heard of it? Let me show you something. If you ever mention something that others haven't heard of, say this phrase, 'The mainstream media doesn't want you to know about _____!'. In this case, 'Vampire Geese'. Seriously, how have I not been invited onto Fox News by now?

Mother's Day

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry that my apologies seem insincere and I promise to keep practicing them until you no longer notice.

otherwise sincere

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Apology

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I like to think that people would appreciate us much more if they smoked cigarettes made from pencil shavings.

pencil shaving

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Thinking of You

Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mothers Day. And just think about how much better our relationship would be if you had just bought me a pony like I asked? I guess you'll have to be content with a crap ecard.

pony free childhood

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Mother's Day

Get Well Ecard with text: I am sure you would feel better if you just let me practice acupuncture on you.

practicing acupuncture

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Get Well

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I would like to try some weird stuff but I dont want you to worry. Or even feel obliged to be conscious. Whatever works for you is fine.

whatever works

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Thinking of You

Workplace Ecard with text: I am not admitting anything here - I am simply saying that you should probably use hand sanitizer after using the photocopier.

photocopier advice

I think I made this card for the Covid outbreak, as a way of encouraging people to use hand sanitizer. Yes, technically I first published this card in May, 2010, but I've always been ahead of the curve.

Workplace

Sympathy Ecard with text: I was sorry to hear about your loss and hope that there is no possible way that you can be mistakenly implicated.

mistakenly implicated

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Sympathy

Thinking of You Ecard with text: One easy way to 'blend in' is to never be overheard speculating about what the hell it is that the squirrels are secretly up to.

squirrel conformity

People, January 21 is National Squirrel Appreciation Day in North America. Squirrels are going about under-appreciated, and it's a crying shame. I was twenty-four when I saw my first squirrel and never since that day have I been completely oblivious to them. Let us join together in support, and paranoia, of squirrels.

Thinking of You

Flirting Ecard with text: If I wasnt interested in sleeping with you sometime, why would I send you a cool drawing of a duck? Aforementioned picture of duck.

duck drawing seduction

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Flirting

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