You can send today's card to new parents. Or rather - you shouldn't. New parents can be awfully prickly and humorless - after all, they've just crushed their dreams. But then again, maybe you should. I think the decision really boils down to whether or not you like their cooking. Once again, I'm here to help.
I can't help it - people I know keep having babies. It's been my experience that new parents get really nervy and upset if you say stuff like 'You know, toddlers are awesome when they're high!' Just in case you were going to say something like this.
Is it your Birthday today? Then I created a perfect card just for you. A-ha! I don't know anyone having a birthday. It was a lie. I lie like a rug! And I'm adrift in a sea of fabrication and dishonesty. But then again: if it isn't your Birthday then you have to admit, you kinda failed me personally as well. I'm going to forgive you, though, because it's what Dr. Phil would want me to do. Dr. Phil has a nice moustache.
Stands to reason
People are always going and having babies and expecting us to give them gifts. But how can anything we give them top The Miracle of Life? Thats what I ask, but everyone says no, no you've got to give them a present anyway. So I send a small bottle of rum (for the baby) or an ecard like this one. Anything to avoid babysitting.
It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.
And today's card is for new parents. Bless their hearts, they get so nervy when you mention statistics, which is something you Should Never Do. Unless you're bored and there's nothing on television.
