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Celebration Ecards

Baby Ecard with text: Congratulations on the birth of your baby, if indeed it IS your baby and not the baby I read about on the back of my milk carton.

milk baby

You can send today's card to new parents. Or rather - you shouldn't. New parents can be awfully prickly and humorless - after all, they've just crushed their dreams. But then again, maybe you should. I think the decision really boils down to whether or not you like their cooking. Once again, I'm here to help.

Baby

old fashioned advice

I can't help it - people I know keep having babies. It's been my experience that new parents get really nervy and upset if you say stuff like 'You know, toddlers are awesome when they're high!' Just in case you were going to say something like this.

Baby

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday etc. Please note that with the receipt of this ecard all of my obligations in the matter are now met.

birthday obligations

Is it your Birthday today? Then I created a perfect card just for you. A-ha! I don't know anyone having a birthday. It was a lie. I lie like a rug! And I'm adrift in a sea of fabrication and dishonesty. But then again: if it isn't your Birthday then you have to admit, you kinda failed me personally as well. I'm going to forgive you, though, because it's what Dr. Phil would want me to do. Dr. Phil has a nice moustache.

Birthday

gregarious llama

Stands to reason

Birthday

Baby Ecard with text: Aside from the fact that, generally speaking, your baby has poor personal hygiene and is lazy, incoherent, unmotivated, self-absorbed, and hogging all the attention, I think the child has a lot to recommend it.

lazy and unmotivated

People are always going and having babies and expecting us to give them gifts. But how can anything we give them top The Miracle of Life? Thats what I ask, but everyone says no, no you've got to give them a present anyway. So I send a small bottle of rum (for the baby) or an ecard like this one. Anything to avoid babysitting.

Baby

Birthday Ecard with text: It's your birthday! They give you a cake. And then a crowd of people help themselves to a slice. And everybody congratulates you while they eat your alleged cake. They eat it all up in front of you and you only get one slice or maybe two.

your alleged cake

It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.

Birthday

Baby Ecard with text: Statistical fact, some babies grow up to be mass murderers.I'm not saying it's going to happen in your case - I'm just pointing out that you're playing Russian Roulette with statistics.

russian roulette

And today's card is for new parents. Bless their hearts, they get so nervy when you mention statistics, which is something you Should Never Do. Unless you're bored and there's nothing on television.

Baby