Celebration | PAGE 4

Celebration Cards. Perfectly unsuitable ecards for every occasion.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Birthday Congratulations Weddings, Engagements, and Other Mistakes

Birthday Ecard with text: It's your birthday! They give you a cake. And then a crowd of people help themselves to a slice. And everybody congratulates you while they eat your alleged cake. They eat it all up in front of you and you only get one slice, maybe two. — about this card: your alleged cake | It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Statistical fact: some babies grow up to be mass murderers.I'm not saying it's going to happen in your case - I'm just pointing out that you're playing Russian Roulette with statistics. — about this card: russian roulette | And today's card is for new parents. Bless their hearts, they get so nervy when you mention statistics, which is something you Should Never Do. Unless you're bored and there's nothing on television.

Birthday Ecard with text: We light candles on top of a slightly stale sponge cake and everybody cheerlessly sings a song. Then you make a wish, blow out the candles/spit all over the cake and then we have to eat it and say how much we like it and YAY!

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: I am sure your baby is going to be more special than all the other babies in the world, and that this is not some trick of evolutionary psychology to keep you from ever forgetting where you last put it.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Let's get this out of the way now: I will not be interested in hearing about your child until it grows into something more interesting. Like an arsonist.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Congratulations on your New Baby! You have just scored two decades of economic servitude preparing a young mind to live unaided in a troubled, neurotic world.

Birthday Ecard with text: I hope a kind of pretentious hand-drawn card will excuse me from feigning an enthusiasm I do not feel. Its not personal, its just not my birthday and it sucks.

Congratulations Ecard with text: congratulations. i'm really happy for you and also curious to know how sexually generous this all makes you feel.

Birthday Ecard with text: HAPPY BIRTHDAY I foretell a strange year filled with eerie people. Sheep might appear mysteriously then disappear. A close friend may need to borrow money for fairly solid reasons.

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. Celebrating another year of your successful avoidance of long-term incarceration.

Birthday Ecard with text: Thank you for understanding that my not remembering to get you a birthday present stems from a rejection of banality and an idiosyncratic tendency to focus on the Great Themes of Life rather than the tawdry or mundane.

Birthday Ecard with text: It's your birthday. Yay! Will this do? — about this card: will this do? | This month, Librans have their birthdays - or Libras or whatever. You know, every now and then I write to astronomy departments at major universities and ask them if they have any professorial positions open for Librans, because 'they would obviously know that Librans have a natural advantage when it comes to comprehending the movements of Celestial Bodies. No idea idea why I do this. I'm a Leo.

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