Just Because Ecards
unexpected bears
It's been years since we published a reminder card, and that's only because we forgot - and there's no better reason for not doing something than that! The second best reason for not doing something is, of course, 'bears'. The sound you just heard in your head? That was just me dropping the mic and walking off-stage.
gnomes live
Even though I've played every Grand Theft Auto game to death, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts still refuses to issue me with a driver's license. And while I will concede that I don't know how to drive a car, why are they singling ME out?! Whatever. I'm over it. If you ever ride public transport in Boston and hear an Australian guy talking about garden gnomes, come over and say hi...
job description
In the workplace I'm quiet and keep to myself unless I'm engaged in workplace activism like organizing lunchtime hunger-strikes for a Free Tibet or for Free Bagels, or petitioning for departmental cage fights. I got the janitors to go on strike. That's right, they're not taking any more rubbish. Just a little joke. Sometimes I'm not very serious.
presenteeism
Planet Earth has been a blast lately. On the positive side, everybody has jumped on the 'Socially Isolating Yourself' bandwagon; guys, I've actually been doing that my entire life! I even built an entire website to help people become more socially isolated. You can just share cards like this with people and you're done. You don't even need to pretend to sell Essential Oils any more.
god of fire
Sometimes I like to re-evaluate myself as an individual and, when I do, I like to give myself 10 out of 10 for self-critical-ness. I'm a simple guy who always tells the truth except if I don't feel like it or get carried away, which is pretty rare but it does happen when I'm at George Clooney's place. I'm not his coolest friend but he's like, 'Kris - you're in my top three'. So that's why I'm happy today.
moth man inkblot
On Wednesdays I feature an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to pass myself off as a credible researcher at Harvard Medical School. I carry a clipboard and say things like, 'We're making progress. I think we have reasons to feel optimistic.' Sooner or later they're going to let me play with the bodies.
make yourself agreeable
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card, and then spend the rest of the day working undercover at a company that manufactures cafe furniture. For years I've been secretly implementing policies that ensure all cafe tables are sold with one leg slightly too short. I guess some men just want to watch the world burn.
ears
I like to think of myself as someone who can get along with anybody except for clowns, bureaucrats and werewolves. But filling out forms with a pen is, uh, mental torture. Forms make me agitated. I scribble, panic, weep. I yell lots about 'not wanting to live in this plane of reality'. Anyway. I had to fill out a form today. You can kinda tell, can't you?
flee from cephalopods
I have only drugged my employees' orange juice twice, and only as a joke, not to extend their productivity or anything because that would be unethical. I believe a workplace should be happy place filled with experimentation and fear.
loneliness
Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...