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The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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Just Because | PAGE 3

Just Because. Ecards for no other reason than 'Just Because'. Like, zombie apocalypses, workplace shenanigans, and strange goat sightings.

TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and nobody's desk mysteriously caught fire.
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about this card: god of fire | Sometimes I like to re-evaluate myself as an individual and, when I do, I like to give myself 10 out of 10 for self-critical-ness. I'm a simple guy who always tells the truth except if I don't feel like it or get carried away, which is pretty rare but it does happen when I'm at George Clooney's place. I'm not his coolest friend but he's like, 'Kris - you're in my top three'. So that's why I'm happy today.
WTF Ecard with text: In my Rorschach ink-blot test I easily recognized the Moth Man who has been trying to eat my soul since my childhood. But I told the doctor I only saw my mother having sex. I like to make him happy.
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about this card: moth man inkblot | On Wednesdays I feature an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to pass myself off as a credible researcher at Harvard Medical School. I carry a clipboard and say things like, "We're making progress. I think we have reasons to feel optimistic." Sooner or later they're going to let me play with the bodies.
WTF Ecard with text: God has appeared to me and revealed that you must make yourself more agreeable to me.
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about this card: make yourself agreeable | On Wednesdays I like to post an older card, and then spend the rest of the day working undercover at a company that manufactures cafe furniture. For years I've been secretly implementing policies that ensure all cafe tables are sold with one leg slightly too short. I guess some men just want to watch the world burn.
TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and the week did not end with me walking about wearing a necklace made from the ears of bureaucrats.
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about this card: ears | I like to think of myself as someone who can get along with anybody except for clowns, bureaucrats and werewolves. But filling out forms with a pen is, uh, mental torture. Forms make me agitated. I scribble, panic, weep. I yell lots about 'not wanting to live in this plane of reality'. Anyway. I had to fill out a form today. You can kinda tell, can't you?
Workplace Ecard with text: You are not allowed to be bored at work until AFTER you have forced Human Resources to amend the Employee Handbook with fourteen pages detailing the prohibition of Weaponized Squid Delivery Devices.
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about this card: flee from cephalopods | Sometimes when I need my subordinates to take my authority seriously I hire an elderly actor to talk to an empty chair. It reassures them. I have only drugged my employees' orange juice twice, and only as a joke, not to extend their productivity or anything because that would be unethical. I believe a workplace should be happy place filled with experimentation and fear.
Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.
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about this card: loneliness | Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...
WTF Ecard with text: 'Sometimes I look up into the night sky and wonder: why wont the aliens abduct and probe me?'
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about this card: aliens fail me | On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and celebrate other nations's holidays. I don't know much about the US Independence Day because the movie skimmed a lot of background details but I have no problem remembering Will Smith saving the earth and also punching an alien in the face.
WTF Ecard with text: I am sorry I feel uncomfortable in the presence of baboons.
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about this card: uncomfortable | I’m a man who believes in the incredible power of the apology, especially when it comes to getting out of scrapes and evading repercussions. A bunch of people will see today’s card and think it somehow doesn’t apply to their lives. This is a rash and foolish notion and I predict that a good forty-four percent of you will send this card someday. And you know I'm right when I use statistics.
Zombie Ecard with text: 'In the event of zombies, remember: sanity first. Try to take some time out of every day to enjoy yourself. (Picture of bloodstained bobcat forklift thing chasing zombie).'
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about this card: sanity first | I worry about some things. I worry that there's going to be a zombie outbreak and that most of you aren't going to approach it with the spirit of joie de vivre. 'Cause I've seen the movies and everyone runs around screaming and dying while talking earnestly about their relationships. I want you to all know that I'll do my best to help you survive but no-one is allowed to be a buzz-kill, okay?
Zombie Ecard with text: Remember, never mistake a horde or shoppers with a sudden outbreak of zombies. the authorities will not understand.
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about this card: make sure | On Wednesdays I typically post an older card, and then get to work setting up Zombie Preparedness Drills. Drive over to the cemetery at 4am with a shovel and now you've got the day's props. Next it's a matter of arranging bodies where people don't expect to see them. Like kindergartens. Sure the parents throw fits but for me civic duty comes first.
TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and my rich inner life has not yet come to the attention of upper management.
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about this card: rich inner life | 'People say to me: Che - how do you do it? I say 'hard work and nothing more'. But the truth is that everything pretty much depends on Human Resources not paying too much attention to me. Happy Friday you lot.'
Workplace Ecard with text: I am sorry about how I acted at work but in my defense I was pretty stoned most of the day. i did take the time to do some pretty wicked origami though.
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about this card: just stoned | 'On Wednesdays I like to post a slightly older card and then I invariably I do something practical, like my taxes. I always put a dead bird into the envelope I send to the IRS - when they call me up about it I say it was an accident. FYI: federal employees are not paid enough to audit people who accidentally mail dead animals to them. I'm here to help.'

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