If you think ecards and greeting cards are - at best - insipid, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then I like you. And also, welcome to Wrongcards.
Today is re-hash Wednesday; I post an older card and then ever so slightly exaggerate my plans for the rest of the afternoon. By the way, I hope today's card doesn't discourage anyone. Frankly, I hope it inspires a certain spirit of scientific inquiry.
Excuses cards are intended to help you evade unwanted social engagements. It's always better to send a card than to show up and discover you need to stab someone in the leg with a fork. Unless they're serving profiteroles - those can often be worth the fuss.
For those among us who are religiously tolerant enough to get away with laughing at the religiously intolerant, here is today's wrongcard. For everyone else, well, I look forward to your letters.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card for the sake of nostalgia and spend the rest of the day warning people about minotaurs stealing our jobs. I'll keep doing that until Fox News finally runs a panel discussion on the subject. Then I'll just retire in sick horror.
Here's a vaguely NSFW-ish card that would be wrong for anyone to send to anyone. Unless, perhaps, to Mother. Allegedly I have issues. Can't afford a therapist so I did some self-diagnosis with shoplifted psychology textbooks. The diagnosis? Aside from my phobia of clowns my mental health is awesome.
I've given it some thought and decided that you all deserve a toasted cheese sandwich. Is this some kind of Wrongcards give-away? I'm afraid not. I cannot yet be everywhere because I am not yet a god. You'll have to make your own sandwich but my point here is that you deserve it. Logic is my superpower.
You know how it is when you get bored and want to mess with the minds of certain friends or family-members who are 'with child'? Well, I have a strategy for that - a little something I like to call, 'saying things that are true'.
'If you have to apologize to anyone then there is no reason you can't enjoy yourself. Also: you're allowed to snicker. If anyone disagrees, say that a stranger on the internet said so. "It's not a proper argument until you've quoted someone on the internet." - Gandhi.'
I find people very demanding. "Do this, do that, be quiet, don't eat my pudding, put down that knife, tie it off with a tourniquet, drive me to a hospital, what do you mean we're stopping to buy ice cream?" Today's card? Send it to anyone and they'll probably just GIVE you their pudding. It's only reasonable, really.
So, what did you do today? I drew a smurf. What?! Yeah - a smurf. Damn, man. Yeah I know - keep me in your prayers.
Today's card is my way of helping people overcome depression. However, you should all understand that I can't do too good a job on Cheer Up Cards because pharmaceuticals companies will try to sue me for loss of income. So I hope you all have a *mostly* happy Tuesday.