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Holiday Ecards

Christmas Columbus Day Easter Greetings Father's Day Halloween Independence Day Mother's Day New Year's St Patricks's Day Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Ecard with text: I am willing to praise the teachings of Chairman Mao if it will kept keep Thanksgiving interesting.

keep it interesting

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day not setting fire to things. Honestly I can't even remember the last time I even TRIED to summon a glorious, whirling chaos demon via the profane rites of fire worship. I promise you: my stamp collection is becoming pretty rad.

Thanksgiving

simple genetics

I watch TV, so I consider myself pretty well-informed. So I know that Thanksgiving started in America but, like baseball, it just hasn't really taken off anywhere else. When you're saying what you're grateful for, remember to keep it random. 'I'm thankful for surviving the Walrus Incident' should keep them guessing.

Thanksgiving

Halloween Ecard with text: Every year my stupid voodoo-obsessed cat starts prophesying your death. Next time I'm getting one that's a nihilist.

nihilist cat

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince a single individual that I am some kind of imaginary friend that only they can see.

Halloween

suburban halloween

The creepiest thing about Halloween is how it ritualistically teaches children to accept candy from strangers. The second creepy thing is that processed sugars are harmful and addictive substances that people just give to children anyway. The third creepy thing is that there's a goddamn skeleton covered in slightly damp meat, reading these words. What. I have to be the only one who's unsettled?

Halloween

Father's Day Ecard with text: Happy Father's Day, even if we don't have much in common other than an early interest in my Mother's breasts.

commonality

Look over your shoulder - is somebody there? If not, quietly click on the link and look upon the Wrongcard that you won't be sending your Dad for Father's Day. Then - close the window and try not to think about it too much.

Father's Day

childless queen

I'm not allowed to celebrate Mother's Day with Mother, so each year I make a life-sized doll, you see, and I sit with her at the table and we make tea and I bring her favorite cigarettes and liquorice. When it is over I take her outside and set her on fire. Without traditions we would all be lost.

Mother's Day

even oedipus

With Mother's Day looming I thought it best that we all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Fate did not turn our life arcs into some kind of sick cosmic joke. Of course, I hope I'm not being presumptuous here.

Mother's Day

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: At Easter it is considered traditional to receive spiritual guidance from celibate men in frocks who like to be lenient about men who sleep with children.

frocked up

I hope it's not too soon to post this. I like Easter because it is all a relatively safe topic and I generally run much less risk of accidentally saying something controversial. Happy Thursday everyone!

Easter Greetings

enjoy stpatricks day

I'm in Boston and that means I'm obliged to get falling-down-drunk with friends on St Patrick's Day. Ireland's nationalist movement needs a good, alcoholic kick once a year, and if I have to wake up in a pool of someone else's vomit, so be it. I'll do anything for a good cause. Oh, today's card? Sorry Irish people.

St Patricks's Day