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Home Ecards

Celebration Concerned Dark Humor Family Holiday Jewish Just Because Love
Dark Humor Ecard with text: Nothing brings forth the thrill of the hunt quite like opening the door to Jehovah's Witnesses.

hunting

For those among us who are religiously tolerant enough to get away with laughing at the religiously intolerant, here is today's wrongcard. For everyone else, well, I look forward to your letters.

Dark Humor

WTF Ecard with text: 'Society was not yet ready for what Mister Bunny and I shared together that hot complicated summer in the long grass behind my Aunt's old farm house. But looking back through the window of memory I simply recall him as he no doubt was: a sensitive yet utterly spoiled stuffed toy with an irrepressible curiosity about his body and, to my delight, my own.'

society was not ready

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card for the sake of nostalgia and spend the rest of the day warning people about minotaurs stealing our jobs. I'll keep doing that until Fox News finally runs a panel discussion on the subject. Then I'll just retire in sick horror.

WTF

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry I made you envy my penis.

freudian slipknot

Here's a vaguely NSFW-ish card that would be wrong for anyone to send to anyone. Unless, perhaps, to Mother. Allegedly I have issues. Can't afford a therapist so I did some self-diagnosis with shoplifted psychology textbooks. The diagnosis? Aside from my phobia of clowns my mental health is awesome.

Apology

WTF Ecard with text: there are no wolves in the supermarket. believe it all you want but if you're ever wrong you're dead.

supermarket wolf

I've given it some thought and decided that you all deserve a toasted cheese sandwich. Is this some kind of Wrongcards give-away? I'm afraid not. I cannot yet be everywhere because I am not yet a god. You'll have to make your own sandwich but my point here is that you deserve it. Logic is my superpower.

WTF

Baby Ecard with text: 'I'm not saying you have a parasite growing inside of you. I'm saying you're growing a parasite in you that will emerge in a gross spectacle of blood and gore to make demands on your tim efor something like twenty years or more.'

parasites

You know how it is when you get bored and want to mess with the minds of certain friends or family-members who are 'with child'? Well, I have a strategy for that - a little something I like to call, 'saying things that are true'.

Baby

Excuses Ecard with text: I'm sorry I cannot hang out with you. Yesterday I saw a garden gnome.

little excuse

I know I seem rather well-adjusted, but sometimes I feel a little unsteady.

Excuses

Apology Ecard with text: I want to apologize to you even though you were wrong because I have always been curious to know what a moral high ground feels like. So far I'm enjoying it.

moral high ground

If you have to apologize to anyone then there is no reason you can't enjoy yourself. Also: you're allowed to snicker. If anyone disagrees, say that a stranger on the internet said so. 'It's not a proper argument until you've quoted someone on the internet.' - Gandhi.

Apology

Excuses Ecard with text: I can't hang out with you after all. Everything is fine. I just have to find out what's up with my weed.

everything is fine

I find people very demanding. 'Do this, do that, be quiet, don't eat my pudding, put down that knife, tie it off with a tourniquet, drive me to a hospital, what do you mean we're stopping to buy ice cream?' Today's card? Send it to anyone and they'll probably just GIVE you their pudding. It's only reasonable, really.

Excuses

Flirting Ecard with text: Progress report: I now have THREE sexual fantasies of you that don't involve smurfs.

progress report

So, what did you do today? I drew a smurf. What?! Yeah - a smurf. Damn, man. Yeah I know - keep me in your prayers.

Flirting

CheerUp Ecard with text: I am sorry you are depressed and hope it is a rational depression arising from feelings of helplessness and futility about the world's burgeoning ecological problems and not because you have silly hair.

rational depression

Today's card is my way of helping people overcome depression. However, you should all understand that I can't do too good a job on Cheer Up Cards because pharmaceuticals companies will try to sue me for loss of income. So I hope you all have a *mostly* happy Tuesday.

CheerUp

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