Keyboard Shortcuts
- Press 'Escape' to close menus
- Use arrow keys to navigate menus
- Press 'Enter' to select menu items
Home Ecards
simple genetics
I watch TV, so I consider myself pretty well-informed. So I know that Thanksgiving started in America but, like baseball, it just hasn't really taken off anywhere else. When you're saying what you're grateful for, remember to keep it random. 'I'm thankful for surviving the Walrus Incident' should keep them guessing.
darts and clowns
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day using inexplicable similes. This is, of course, the only routine I have but it still gnaws at my mind like a rabid woodchuck. That aside, can we all agree that there is something horribly wrong with clowns?
young people
And we're back from my mid-Autumn hiatus with a Birthday Card. I know a lot of you were beginning to worry that I'd gone and got myself eaten by a bear. I haven't stopped being vigilant of course but around this time of year in Cambridge, MA, I'm more worried about being attacked by supermarket wolves.
nihilist cat
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince a single individual that I am some kind of imaginary friend that only they can see.
suburban halloween
The creepiest thing about Halloween is how it ritualistically teaches children to accept candy from strangers. The second creepy thing is that processed sugars are harmful and addictive substances that people just give to children anyway. The third creepy thing is that there's a goddamn skeleton covered in slightly damp meat, reading these words. What. I have to be the only one who's unsettled?
troubled
Sometimes I like to organize surprise birthday parties for random colleagues I don't know very well. Suddenly they're surrounded by cake and balloons and people singing in their cubicle. It's awkward for them because only two people there will know it's not actually their birthday. I suppose it's because I like cake.
inconsequential things
Whenever people get sad I usually try to make them feel better. I talk about the brief and anonymous life of the gastrotrich, a microscopic fresh-water creature that only lives for three days. People don't like to get sad around me.
listening
Sometimes, when I am enjoying the richness that is my inner-life, I notice that peoples mouths are moving. If I then observe their eyes are looking in my direction, I try to remember to nod musingly, once or twice, as if in profound agreement. Today's card? That's for when I forget.
rosh hashanah suggestion
So I spent this week camping in the White Mountains in New Hampshire and mostly feeling terrified of bears. The Jewish New Year came and went and I was oblivious to the whole thing this time. Another thing I'm afraid of is firecrackers and people dancing about in dragon costumes. Thank God I'm agnostic.
unsuspicious
The solitary purpose of an Excuses Card is to extricate you from a social obligation. Just send a wrongcard and let me tell lies on your behalf. See? Your conscience is clear. And my conscience? I don't have one yet but I promise that a conscience is the first thing I'm going to buy when I'm rich.